Hey there, it’s great to be back after my season break. I was doing some homework on where to go next with the blog and this season I’ll be focusing on relationship issues particularly from a single’s perspective.
This is a sensitive subject and I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I know something about being here and that’s what I can honestly share without playing the guessing and assumptions game.
I’ve heard of people writing letters or keeping journals dedicated to their prospective life partner long before they met and that inspired me to write some letters of my own to us the singletons (those who may not be in a relationship or are in a relationship but not yet clear if it is for marriage). My hope is that these letters will help offload some baggage while we wait or figure things out.
Let’s start at the deep end shall we….
Situationships: the bane of our existence
Thinking back to my first major romance I learnt that complex isn’t as sophisticated and deep as I thought. In fact, the complexity of this obvious bad boy attraction is what should have made it less appealing but here I was like a moth drawn to the flame.
There was never a shortage of hoops specially designed for me to jump through and each time I jumped through one it seemed two more appeared in its place. No matter how much longer we stayed together the long haul always seemed a long haul away and as it turned out his haulage dreams didn’t involve me and that is the story of how I ran into my first situationship.
A situationship is the counterfeit of a relationship where the person you’re dating (and most times sleeping with) manages you through numerous polite/logical/highly believable excuses because their ‘complex situation(s)’ apparently do not allow any kind of movement forward and you just have to hold on, understand and deal with it until such a time as the situation is dealt with – which in some cases it never is. Examples include but are not limited to
- The wife and three kids that are ‘not that serious’ because once she gives birth to number four, he’s totally leaving them to start the life he’s been dying for with you *
- The guy your girlfriend can’t stop talking about because they’ve been best friends since pre-school and somehow never EVER dated. He gets to spend more time with her than you do, and dude even has the audacity to critique your love for her. *is this a one of a kind friendship? – curious side eye.
- After 5 years of dating the family’s still not ready to meet you and he/she is waiting for the perfect moment to make the introductions. In the meantime what’s the rush after all you’ve already ‘found each other’ and that’s all that matters right *chikuru kufema (what’s important is being alive) yeah right
The chart topper
- “I’m a glutton for self-punishment and just can’t handle a good thing” *what that even means I still don’t know.
I’ve been as exhaustive as I can in this short space and you know what? there are a lot more neatly dressed scenarios that may not appear like situationships at first glance but once you unravel the one sidedness of the commitment or affection it tells a different story.
It’s not easy confronting the leaps of faith we take outside of believing God but the good news is that we don’t have to stay there. If you are feeling convicted that you’ve been going the wrong away about your God inspired desire for a spouse then its time to take that conversation back to Him. Not because I said so but because He said He would answer when you call, so go ahead call.
