Clemence
Clemence’s mind was far from the work at hand. He pushed item after item past the scanner and cashed out bills but all the while his mind whirred like a machine, going over and over the thoughts in his head. He was thinking about his talk with Runyararo last night. The one he had fled from after hearing her say that his lack of faith had something to do with their mother dying. He grimaced.
He didn’t want to think about his mother’s death. It had been one of the worst things that had ever happened to him, waking up to hear his father crying, seeing his mother still, so still, on the bed. Hearing the scream of the sirens of the ambulance in the distance, coming to take his mother; coming to save her. Or so he had thought. But they had not saved her. And neither had God. Even though he had prayed and begged and cried. God had done nothing.
Fine. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t believe. But it proved his theories true, that God did not exist. If He did surely He would have saved his mother, He would have raised her from the dead like everyone said He could. The fact that He hadn’t proved to Clemence that God was not real.
It had all been made up, the stories his mother had told him and Runyararo. His mother had believed them to be true but look where they had got her? In the grave. That’s where you’ll be heading if you continue on this path. The thought entered his mind, intrusive and unwelcome. He shoved it aside.
“Hello, my son. Have you got the answer to my question yet?”
Clemence closed his eyes. Of course that woman would choose this time to come to his till.
When eight o’clock had passed and it had got to eleven he had begun hoping that she wasn’t coming. Maybe she was busy or was too tired for shopping today. Maybe she had had bought all she needed and didn’t need to do shopping for another week. Who needed to do shopping every day? Yet here she was crushing his hopes like a hammer.
“Masikati, Gogo,” he said, opening his eyes and fixing her with a look that he hoped, showed her just how displeased he was to see her.
She only laughed at his expression. This made him even more irritated. She was laughing? She had come here to his till, out of nowhere and turned his head inside out, upside down and she was laughing?
“You are not happy to see me?”
“Gogo, I have work. I am sorry. I don’t have time to talk with you.”
She peered at him, her eyes travelling over his face, looking into his eyes. He swallowed, uncomfortable. She nodded.
“I can see you are not in the mood for talk today. Alright, mwanangu. It’s okay. Just do these groceries for me and I will be going.”
Clemence stared at her, his mouth hanging slightly open. What? Just like that? No argument. No insistence? He was surprised to find that he felt disappointed.
“A-alright,” he stuttered, reaching for the packet of biscuits she had placed on the counter.
He scanned all her goods and all the while she stood silent just waiting for him to finish. She paid and then picked up a plastic bag, it seemed she had forgotten her basket today and made to leave.
He turned in his seat and watched her walk away. He felt that he should say something but nothing came to mind, no words left his lips. She paused and turned to him.
“Just some words of encouragement, mwanangu. God loves you. He is protecting and watching over you.” She said with strength and conviction. He smiled wryly, if only he believed that was true.
“Okay, Gogo,” he said. Not agreeing with her words but not wanting to dismiss her coldly like he usually did.
She looked over him again and then smiled, a small gentle gesture, and then left. He sighed and turned back to the computer screen.
***
After the old woman had left, Clemence had found himself feeling strangely depressed. Why? Maybe a part of him had wanted the woman to argue with him, to debate with him about God. Maybe part of him felt that in doing that maybe he could convince her that God was a lie and he could stop feeling so conflicted. So convicted.
But she hadn’t debated with him. Instead she had left him with words as she always did. God loves you. He is protecting and watching over you. Clemence doubted that. But at least it wasn’t one of her usual messages that left him feeling cold with fear.
He glanced at the time on the computer screen, he had another thirty minutes to go before his shift was over. He couldn’t wait. He wanted to go home, eat and then lie on his bed, got to sleep and forget about this day.
His stomach was knotted, clenching and unclenching. His head was pounding with the telltale signs of an oncoming headache. He sighed, he doubted that he would sleep tonight. He was feeling too conflicted for that. And he doubted that he could escape how he felt no matter where he went.
***
The sun had long ago disappeared behind the horizon by the time he finished work. The sky was dark and the cars, illuminated by the bright lights in the shop, cast shadows on the ground.
Clemence moved across the paved ground and headed for the left gate, pulling his jacket closed. It was cold. As he approached the gate, a heavy feeling of apprehension filled him; slowing his footsteps.
He felt, suddenly, that he shouldn’t walk through this gate, he shouldn’t cross the road. He sensed that something terrible would happen if he did. He shook his head and picked up the pace. He was being ridiculous. Irrational. He had crossed the road hundreds of times in his life and nothing had ever happened to him. But he couldn’t shake the feeling.
Clemence met Eddie near the end of the parking lot.
“Hesi, Clemence,” he called.
“Eddie,” Clemence replied, smiling tiredly and coming to a stop beside his friend. “How was work?”
“Ahh so so, shamwari. Ko iwewe?” Eddie asked leaning against one of the cars. He was tall, thin guy. “Mhmm,” Clemence hummed, shrugging one shoulder.
“Ya,” Eddie chuckled, understanding what his gesture meant. “Don’t worry. It will be better tomorrow.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Clemence replied, not feeling convinced. “Alright, nadakuenda, ndakaneta. Toonana mangwana.”
“Ya, okay. To’onana.” Eddie replied, waving as Clemence walked away. Clemence had reached the gate and stepped onto the pavement outside when he heard a shout.
“Clemence!” It was Eddie, his voice was loud and full of unconcealed panic.
Clemence paused and looked back at his friend who was moving towards him, his eyes wide, his arms waving. Just then he heard it, the sound of squealing breaks; screaming death.
He turned back and came face to face with a truck, heading straight for him. He had no time to move. Nowhere to go. It was too late, he was going to get crushed under the weight of this vehicle. He was going to die. Mwari, no. Clemence cried out in his mind as he closed his eyes and braced himself for the impact.
It never came.
Instead Clemence felt arms wrap around his body, warmth and heat like fire surrounded him and then he was pushed aside onto the pavement. He heard a whoosh and felt the weight of the truck as it passed by him. He heard a sharp screech, and the sound of metal crunching on metal and then silence.
He lay still, still wrapped in the heat of fire, his ears ringing. Soon the ringing faded and so did the heat, he peeled his eyes open.
He was lying on the ground, pieces of litter and gravel digging into his skin. He was hesitant to sit up, afraid to find a limb missing or see his abdomen covered in blood. But he needed to know how bad the damage was. He sat up slowly and glanced at himself. His legs were still there. His stomach had not been gouged out. He looked over his arms, not a scratch.
His breath left his mouth shaking. He looked up and saw the truck centimetres in front of him, he followed its length and saw its hood crushed into the pole of the gate, where he had been standing minutes ago.
“Clemence! Clemence!” He heard Eddie shouting, panicked and frantic. He heard a rush of Shona and then saw the door of the truck fall open. A man stumbled out, thick and heavyset. He held his head, clearly distressed and frightened. Clemence swallowed around the dryness in his throat and called.
“E-, Eddie! Eddie, I’m fine.”
“Clemence!” He heard footsteps and then Eddie appeared before him.
He rushed over and fell by his side. “Clemence. Are you alright? Are you alright,” he said. His eyes darting over him but not seeing. “Don’t worry. Don’t worry we will call an ambulance. You will be fine. You are going to be fine.”
“Eddie,” Clemence said trying to be heard over Eddie’s panic. “Eddie. I am fine. Look, look. Handina kukwara.”
Eddie paused and looked over him. His mouth fell open in shock and surprise. “But…how?”
“I don’t know,” Clemence said, shaking his head in confusion. Sitting up more straightly. “Someone pushed me.” He said, remembering the strong arms he had felt holding him up.
But Eddie shook his head and said “But Clemence, there was no one on the road. There was no one. There is no one here.”
Eddie frowned and looked around him and sure enough there was no one in sight, except for himself, Eddie and the distraught truck driver. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.
Just then the truck driver came rushing towards the two of them.
“Maiwe. Mwari maiwe,” he was sobbing as he approached. “I am sorry. Ndiregereyi. Ndiregerereyi.” He pleaded, his eyes filled with fear and torment.
Eddie shook his head, “It’s okay. It’s okay. He is fine. He is fine.”
The man finally looked at Clemence properly and noticed that he really was alright, and that there wasn’t even a scratch on him.
“Ah, but-how? How?” He choked out, shocked by what he saw.
Eddie shook his head “Handizivi. He said that someone pushed him aside. But there was no one.”
The man shook his head. “Mwari. Ndimwari. He should have died. I could not control the brakes and I knew that I was going kill this man. Mwari loves you. Mwari anokuda. I-,”
The man continued speaking, tears streaming down his face in shock and surprise but Clemence was not listening. His mind had latched on to his words. Mwari loves you. Ndimawari, Mwari loves you.
God loves you, she had said. He is protecting and watching over you.
There was no one there, Eddie had said.
Clemence felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise and his heart stuttered. He is protecting and watching over you.
