Pastor Kuchiva
Pastor Kuchiva sat at his desk in his office, staring at the blackness outside the window. His day had been good, he had gone to visit his bank to check his bank account was in order. He didn’t make frequent use of it, as kept most of his money in his bedroom safe.
He didn’t want suspicions raised by the bank as to why he was earning so much considering he was pastor, so he kept the money somewhere secure and more easily accessible. Where no questions would be asked of him. He made sure to deposit some hundred dollars every month to keep his account active.
All things were in order and his account was still active and available for use, if he never needed it. He doubted he would though. All the money that he would be receiving now would come from the pockets of people desperate enough to apply for a loan with him and the elders and then straight into his own pocket, just as the money from the church tithes had gone for all these years, allowing him to use it easily.
That money had helped him buy the two cars he had in the driveway and some of the expensive suits he had in his closet. But now that he and the elders were going to start this business of loaning money, like Baba Toravanhu said, he was going to be living like a god. Pastor Kuchiva grinned gleefully at that thought.
Yes, his day had been good.
Baba Toravanhu had called with exciting news. He and the elders had found a potential client, a car repairer whose business was failing. The man was willing to pay any kind of interest rate for the funding to keep his business alive.
All the elders, including Baba Toravanhu, were convinced he would be a perfect customer. Pastor Kuchiva was pleased with the news. His son had also been in a quiet mood today which meant that he didn’t have to suffer through another supper arguing with him. All this news was pleasing and yet, his dark joy did not last.
He felt an inexplicable feeling of…sorrow? Discontentment? He didn’t know what name to give it, all he knew was that it filled him with a feeling deeply unsettled.
He had had moments like this over the years where he would pause and wonder just where he was going; what he was doing. Moments when he would question the way he was living, if it was right. He was surviving, better than most people in fact. He had food on the table every day and he had money to pay for what he needed and what he wanted. But…was that all there was to it?
It was in moments like these that he would find himself thinking about God. The God he preached about like he knew, the God whose name brought him money.
A part of Pastor Kuchiva wanted to deny that God existed but he knew in his heart that that assumption was a lie. God was real. What other way could the great universe, the earth and even human life itself be explained? Members of his family had believed in a Great Being who watched over all life on earth and who could be reached through ancestral spirits.
Others had believed that God could only be reached through the man Jesus. It had been an ongoing debate amongst the relatives, but the final verdict had always been the same – there was a God.
Pastor Kuchiva had fallen towards the belief that Jesus was the only way to God, but more because this doctrine was easier to preach than the other. And seeing as his father had made it mandatory that he become a Pastor. The Jesus doctrine drew in more people and therefore more money, than the other.
His wife had believed in Jesus. She had turned to Him in everything and spoken about him like He was a friend. Ironically, it was her belief that had drawn him to her. When Pastor Kuchiva was with her he would find he was at peace, not worried about anything; happy.
Her faith had made her a light and filled him with warmth that he found always disappeared when they were apart. Warmth that he became desperate to hold onto.
But he himself had never really developed any true faith of his own. He had never really thought about what he thought was true. Jesus or ancestors. But in these dark moments…he found himself contemplating. Wondering.
He pushed these thoughts far from His mind. Thinking like that would derail him from the course he was on. The course that was going to make him rich, and that was what he wanted more than anything. Power and money.
He didn’t have time to sit wallowing in what and what ifs. Yes, God existed. But despite his feelings of trepidation Pastor Kuchiva doubted that the Great Being really cared what he did with his life, as long as he lived it.
And that is exactly what Regedzai Kuchiva planned to do, live his life the fullest, whichever way that might be. He would not let himself dwell on doubts or worries. He would be enjoy his life while it lasted and for as long as he could before he died.
