Clemence
When the old woman had left, Clemence still hadn’t made a decision.
‘This is not something to rush into. It’s a decision for life, mwanangu’, she had said before she left. ‘You can think on it. But don’t think too long. This is about life and death. You don’t have time to play with those two.’
Clemence had only nodded.
‘What is your name, my boy?’ She had asked, turning back. Clemence had smiled. He had also noticed that the two of them had been talking a lot but didn’t even know each other’s names.
‘Ndinonzi Clemence,’ he replied.
‘Clemence,’ she smiled and nodded. ‘It is nice to meet you.’
He laughed. ‘Nemiwo Mrs…’ he trailed off.
‘Mrs. Tendekayi. But you can just call me gogo.’
‘Okay. Ndofara nokuzivai, Gogo.’
Mrs. Tendekayi, Gogo, smiled and then turned to leave.
‘Mucha wuya mangwana?’ He called. ‘Will you be here tomorrow?’
He didn’t want to have to spend the morning looking out for her if she wasn’t coming.
She chuckled, ‘Of course. There is still much to discuss. We still need to talk about your faith.’
Clemence laughed. Her words were almost an exact echo of her parting words on the first day they had met.
‘What faith, Gogo?’ He replied.
She smiled, ‘The faith growing in you.’ She waved. ‘Toonana mangwana. God bless you, Clemence.’
‘God bless you, Gogo.’ He was as surprised as her when the words left his mouth.
He hadn’t meant to mention God but he wanted to bless her like she had blessed him. She raised her eyebrows and smiled.
‘Thank you, my son.’ She had said and then she was gone.
***
Clemence spent the remainder of his shift thinking over the past weeks. A jolt of surprise went through him. In fact it had been a month since all of this had occurred. He felt like it could have been longer. So much had happened; he felt like he had lived for half a year already.
He touched a finger to the scratch on his skin. It was scarring now. A thin line that he could only see if he turned just so, in the light. The only physical evidence of the things that happened to him. It was so tiny compared to the colossal change within him.
He had been a staunch unbeliever. He had dismissed God as a lie, a fairytale and now he was starting to wonder if He was actually real.
Now he was in a situation he never thought he’d ever be in.
He was faced with a choice, to become a Christian or cast all that aside and return to his life of unbelief.
He was tempted to do the latter.
The life of unbelief looked simpler. He wouldn’t have to worry about what he did. He could rely on himself and no one else, as he always had. And what has that done for you? The thought leapt to his mind.
Nothing.
Relying on himself hadn’t brought him any closer to the dream of leaving his father’s home and being free of his tyranny. In fact, relying on himself had almost got him killed. Twice. If not for the mysterious angel and that man, his funeral would have taken place long ago. If not for God…
He sighed.
He was thankful. He really was. He was glad his life had been spared and that it was probably God who had spared him. But that didn’t mean he had to start living for God, did it? Surely he could just continue as he always had and God could step in and save him now and then?
Alright then, so he’d choose to believe but stay the same. But those hadn’t been the options Gogo gave. She had said that he had to accept God and change his life or discard Him completely. Clemence wasn’t entirely comfortable with either.
If he admitted it to himself, the truth was…he was scared.
He wanted to choose God but he was unsure that He could live up to the standards he was called to live up to if he chose Him. What’s more, he didn’t know if he could trust God? His mother had and look where that had got her? Dead. But God had kept him alive. God hadn’t killed him. Why?
Maybe accepting God was the only way he could find out? Maybe God had some plan, some purpose for him that he couldn’t see right now?
Ugh. Clemence pressed his palms into his eyes. Why was this so hard? He sat up and took a deep breath. What do you want, Clemence? He asked himself. What do you really want?
I want to live.
Well then the answer was clear. God. He should choose God.
But-
He had nothing left to argue.
What was worth more than life? Nothing, really. Besides he wouldn’t worry so much about the life he would have to live. If God wanted him so badly He would have to take Clemence as he was.
Clemence sighed. It looked like he’d made the decision.
God. I choose life. I choose God. I choose God.
He repeated the words, to convince himself of the path he was taking. That this was what he was choosing.
For a second a feeling like no other rushed through him. It was like warm liquid had been poured into him, it rushed through him and filled him with heady lightness and peace. He had a profound sense that all would be well.
But as soon as the feeling came, it went, and Clemence was left wondering just how greatly his decision would affect the rest of his life.
