Pretending to be tough
I used to think that I would overcome based on how hard I could talk, how much of my weight I could throw around and how fast I could spot threats shutting them out before they got close enough to hurt me. My logic was that if I looked and felt tough then it would mean I was tough and any Chancers would already back off because they would see I wasn’t one to mess with.
Madam Sharon’s very classy dictionary of elegantly used words suggests that a Chancer is any and all-body who falsely projects themself for purposes of manipulating the game in order to win some un-earned prize i.e. She’s up all night for good fun and he’s up all night to get lucky.
I tried to dress and walk tough but it only made me look disturbed and Chancers didn’t take the bait, it was more like an advert in red blinking lights broadcasting literally Kwese (see what I did there? LOOOOL) attracting the very worst of them. I learnt the hard way that there is a lot more to it than boy meets girl and pops the big question before the dreaded 30s.
Side note: Nyaya yekuita in my thirties iyi yatozokonzeresa LOL because I keep gravitating towards relationship stuff in one way or another, even when I’m actually trying to write about something else. I guess these are the moments when the Holy Spirit prompts me to share seeing as I clearly have a world of experience/worldly experience (potatoe-potato) in the department. This is not encouragement for you to go and get experimental by the way, this is me hoping that you never have to acquire immunity to heartbreak from having so many of them to deal with. I swear I’ve had enough drama to run a full telenovela on Telemundo (wait…that might actually earn me a pretty penny..hmmmm *wheels in the mind turning).
So anyway this tough cookie act was my thing among other such negativities like insecurity that are notorious for ruining relationships. Obviously the other person had a part to play in the failure but that’s not who I’m talking about here because I can’t speak on their behalf. I can only speak on my behalf and take accountability for my 50%. Now I see that kumwe kwanga kuri kuhwanda nechigunwe never actually dealing with any of the issues I had but blaming the guy or suspecting “chivanhu”.
Dealing with spiritual excuses
In my personal opinion I don’t think chivanhu is as rampant as we think it is. In fact I’m going to cross the line and say whenever we can’t take responsibility for the part we’ve played in leading to our circumstances we rationalise it by looking for some external force pulling our self-sabotage strings for its own benefit. It’s like we lose all objectivity when looking at the basic workings of a two way street. There is something called cause and effect which submits to the standard principles which govern the Earth before we even get spiritual.
For example if you are hungry and sit in front of a plate of food commanding your belly to be full without the act of eating it then you are a fool because the hunger will surely not be satisfied. How can it be different when it comes to other life issues? How can some aunt or uncle physically hinder you from happiness? How can you be at some Papa’s mercy for the right price? No one has that much power especially not when Jesus is handling your case. We are blinded by a crafty enemy to think the wrong things and make the wrong conclusions. God help us.
I’m not saying there aren’t some generational and other curses lurking about because those exist and they are quite potent too if we fail to identify and deal with them (this is all done through seeking God who is faithful and just to reveal the truth as and when we are ready for it to set us free by it. We shouldn’t have to panic or be pushed into spiritual weirdness for fear of being overcome by the enemy).
Being a Goodie Two Shoes wont cut it either
I’ve fallen into this trap before hence bringing it up. I really believed that I couldn’t catch a break in love because there was some hateful relative sitting somewhere stewing my name in a pot or something so that I would never be happy. At Uni there was a point I was in church everyday of the week except Thursday serving, sowing and fawning over the Senior Student Pastor. I kept thinking maybe my prayers would reach God better if I added some sacrifice on top so I would take away from the very essence of me to please this demanding god.
I would attend every single meeting, service and conference. I also thought if I became good enough God would bless me with this Pastor for a husband (I assumed he would have to be a perfect husband because he was a man of God). That was the most miserable and embarrassing year plus of my life. I felt alone, disconnected and bullied with no access to God’s saving grace because I wasn’t clean enough. All my mistakes hovered around me reminding me how unworthy I was to be among His chosen. Sometimes it felt like these people took one look at me and made up their own judgements about who I was and how much sin I had in my closet then gave their own opinion of how I could earn God’s forgiveness.
No one told me their own experience with His love, they all kept adding to the list of things I needed to better in order to win against my oh-so-many adversaries. Don’t get it twisted brethren just because someone is called a man of God it doesn’t mean they are God. A man can mislead you in your time of weakness whether deliberately or not because he is a victim of his humanity which is just as susceptible to error as yours.
I used to think Paul was some random guy people love to talk about until I understood what it was to be on the wrong side of the fence and be saved. If you hear me talk nonstop about God and His saving Grace it’s because that Grace took a troubled girl and made me the woman I am today. I will always be found singing His praises because He is worthy. I’m not one to market the gospel because God is bigger than any words I could ever throw together to convince you of his awesomeness. All I can say is try Him for yourself.
About the author
Sharon Rateiwa is a lover of art with a natural flair for the artistic. When she isn’t sharing inspirational pieces with the world, she designs and performs as a singer and poet. Sharon believes that we of God’s generation have a mandate to take up Godly arms in the fight for a meaningful existence. She gives encouragement by sharing her own colourful encounters.
