What if we dated hygienically, taking stock of how we treat others and the emotional footprint we leave in their lives. Before I dig in, I have a small confession. I’ve never been this deliberate about figuring things out in the dating life. Now that I have this second chance to get it right I’m going out of my way to capitalize on it.
I’ve heard a lot of conversations where both men and women bitterly recount how they were scorned. The common conclusion is that the opposite sex is a stereotypical being of mass emotional destruction. This is because sometimes we date time wasters, sometimes we are the time wasters, other times we compromise on faith.
The concept of hygiene in the dating sphere
A while ago I watched a TED talk by Psychologist, Guy Winch about “How to practice emotional hygiene”. In the talk he highlights how we prioritize and practice first aid on our bodily injuries but not on our minds. He outlined how our minds are just as susceptible to injury and how they also need first aid for trauma. All in all, it was an interesting talk which inspired me to borrow the concept in the scope of dating.
Dating hygiene explained
I’m starting to think I should start a little glossary of these terms LOL. Basically, dating hygiene is the practice of taking care to leave people you date better than you found them. It’s really about genuinely walking the Christian talk in dating relationships.
Practicing dating hygiene includes but is not limited to the below:
- Not having sex before marriage even when you’re sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Hormones like pre-empting wedding plans that most times never materialize.
- Conducting yourself with pure intent from the beginning to the end. Let the relationship come to a natural end not a manufactured one. A lot of people start with malicious intent and that’s what causes ugly break-ups when the truth is revealed.
- Being patient and considerate when they inevitably wrong or offend you. Remember this is a person too and they may fall short of your expectations.
Not all romantic relationships lead to marriage some are an opportunity for personal growth. That being said it’s not an excuse to date the whole world in the name of growing. Sometimes we meet and walk with people for a season but not for the reasons we think.
The effects of not dating hygienically
I’ve had the unpleasant experience of looking back on relationships that could have ended differently if sex hadn’t been the agenda. I recall one awkward moment when this guy I used to date turned out to be a youth Pastor at Church. Thankfully we had not ever crossed any points of no return but that knowledge of having dated remained weird.
We Christian folk like to lean back on grace in some of these instances but grace doesn’t erase consequences. It gives second and third and maybe even a hundred chances but for every seed you sow the harvest is there to reap. Some people are miserable in marriage because they made it a habit to wreck other people’s.
Don’t be caught offside, take charge of the way you conduct yourself in relationships because one day you’ll wish you had.
