When prison is the only thing you’ve seen for years it begins to seep into your mindset, you become accustomed to scheduled times of limited freedom, the cardboard tasting food becomes desirable after a long day and you ration good moments in case you start to get excited to no end. When you’re faced with a self-imposed life sentence of perpetual waiting you make peace with your cell mates loneliness and despair, you start to cancel off your dreams and aspirations one by one, after all “what’s the point right?”.
You call on God but keep him at arm’s length just in case he does something radical that throws you off beat from the old familiar rhythm. Its funny that people say things like “better the devil you know” because its apparently easier to hold onto certain death than leap a little in faith that a life with God will break your fall. All seems to be lost and you start to believe that you are powerless against the universe and this fatal attraction brings you to submission, but a submission to the wrong Master.
Every other platform is ablaze with Valentines this and Valentines that, so I just thought I’d have my own kind of fun with it from a personal angle. Something I truly believe is that each of our stories is a helpful chapter in someone else’s book of life so I shall always be found sharing mine.
The High school Sweetheart
Whenever a love story begins it never begins with the damage that it can cause in the end. Instead its filled with heart jolting moments and the excitement of stolen kisses. The movies are also a culprit in these portrayals. Time seemingly stands still and the crowded world is emptied for that briefest of moments just to let his eyes take a sip of hers and just as she see’s that she’s been seen, she smiles a knowing smile and time resumes. It was pretty much as dramatic as that when we met, in my mind at least.
It was a hot afternoon and there I sat on a random bench hiding behind a maths book and some scrap paper scribbling away as if I was actually trying to get some work done. I was doing my alone and mysterious thing, that’s code for afraid to socialise. Then from across the court yard two guys approached and down went the scrap paper as we all got to talking. He was one of the two and quickly became a favourite face for me to seek and be sought by each day at the beginning of class and walk to the kombis with, hand in hand at day end. By the end of that pre-exam break I had gone from aloof to alive and kickin it with my peeps, I may have even found my first teenage love affair.
It was just like a movie or the words to a perfect song, we’d talk for hours on the phone dodging parents and beeping the landline to make it seem like a call had come in yet we just wanted to dial out. We’d hang out after class and every other chance we got laughing, playing being as silly as trying to impress each other allowed. Finally schools re opened the O’level exams I had been preparing for during those extra lessons weren’t much of a deterrent in our usual routine because let’s face it, who wants to concentrate when you can day dream about X or Y person? (Don’t try this at home if you have life determining exams LOL).
You see, as a social misfit with some major self-esteem issues this was a God send for me. I felt like forever was too short to spend with this angel that had finally been sent for me. That frame of thought right there is where everything was wrong, the fact that this was more than just love for me. It was some cosmic alignment of two long lost destinies, a perfect combination of A and B and all that was left was C-ing that we never parted. Even those around me were a little concerned by this placing of Him on such a high pedestal. It was all but written in stone that He and I had to be together or else our lives would never make sense. My sister used to tease me about how excited I got each time the landline wrang and I knew it was him calling she would always say “unoita kunge uchachinja hembe kuti udaire phone”. Imagine that? Being so involved that even when he couldn’t see me I’d still try to make an impression. The world would say I was whipped and boy was I.
To be continued…
