The biggest deception has been that happily (s) ever after are a special fate reserved for a certain class of people and in them Kings and Queens rule their fairy kingdoms never having to endure a spot of dullness or pain thereafter. As far as deceptions go this one is quite potent because in this day and age we still find people going through life with unrealistic expectations that ultimately lead them relationship-hopping and fragmented.
There is healing water that can make you whole
I recently spoke about approaching God as you are, live and direct with your uncensored baggage. well the way I did that in my personal walk is that I started talking to Him when I was little, when I had just learned about Him. I’d make it a point to talk to Him daily before I went to bed, I’d talk to Him in my heart and audibly every once in a while. He was a friend and father that I could go to when no one else could hear or see me and I would pour out my little heart and eyes to Him.
Back then I had a chronic bed wetting issue that tormented me daily; if it were not daily it was close enough to daily to feel like it was daily. You see I thought that if I could only convince God to take it away then he would and you can imagine how persistent I was given the urgency of my situation. After years of what seemed like blue ticked but unresponded prayers I was put on some medication and taught the trick to increase the holding capacity for my bladder and finally the issue became a distant but still unpleasant memory.
Needless to say this time was traumatic and gut wrenching for me, from dealing with being a disappointment at home, being a wee-wee bug at school and developing a mental aversion to tablets and water. To this day actual pills are nightmare for me from the time I had to swallow those bitter pills of rejection all around.
I realised from this time that I had formed a sort of inferiority complex from the non answered prayers, I had a beef of sorts with God and though I still sought Him it was not from the place I seek Him now. I saw Him as somewhat of a perfectionist who was only perfectly able to answer prayers if the correct language was used and the correct behaviour had been adhered to prior to the ceremony of making the prayer. It became my mission to learn this skill and collect what my failure had caused me to lose in the way of answers.
I became ridiculously and unsustainably “good”, my heart was “kind” so kind in fact that I was a literal doormat to whomsoever had feet to dust upon me. I was the perfect person and not a thing I could say or do was wrong, in-fact it was always the other person’s fault why the relationship didn’t work or why I got into any trouble. It was all about me but not about the part I had played in it, so I went about with a chip on my shoulder bulldozing those less intelligent than I but also taking a beating from those stronger and more manipulative than I.
Fast forward to 2015 standing in a church service half heartedly mumbling the praise and worship songs wondering what the heck had just happened after a blow out with mom earlier that morning. I was in such shock I had almost been run over by a car that had come out of “nowhere” as I was crossing the street to get to the kombis. I arrived late to service and now I was just a lost soul in the house where souls are found.
Looking back on it now this is a strange phenomena of how many of us go to draw from the River of Life (coincidentally that is where I had gone, invited by my Best friend) and return not only with our thirst but a deeper feeling that perhaps this water is not for us. Not because this water is not for us but because our eyes are yet young and cannot see that it lies in our decision to receive. We do not need to be qualified we simply need to be willing and available.
That day at River of Life they had done something interesting; they had prepared the kids to pray for the sick and made an altar call to that effect. My bones were intact despite the scare earlier, my temperature didn’t feel off and I certainly didn’t have any sickness I was aware of so I stood, ready to leave yet another spirit filled service with nothing but thirst and despair and a couple of forced smiles at the all too happy ushers in the service.
Until I heard something to the effect of “…if your heart is hurting heed this call, God wants to heal you..” I thought to myself “my goodness these white people really go overboard with this stuff”, a second and last call, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know that this was a call for me so I thought “ok fine”, rolling my eyes internally and I went to the front, to be judged by all these judgy freaks. Except when I got there I was overwhelmed by the strength of children’s prayers.
These babies had never been through what I had, they had never tried to talk to God and have him blue tick their prayers, but what they had that I didn’t was faith. They had faith that God heals and when they prayed for me a hidden fountain of despair found its way out of my eyes and with it came out all that I had tried so desperately to deal with on my own but failed. My life changed for good that day and I will always be found singing praises to the God who heals. It’s not that my heart never broke after that, but rather than my entire world breaking it was only my heart which I remedied with His love and encouragement.
You cannot enjoy morning if your weeping seems to want to endure beyond night, you can only enjoy morning when your weeping has been left behind in the night. Leave it behind, that’s the only way to move forward. Here I am a living testament that joy cometh in the morning, several mornings later I have been found by the man I have always been seeking and we are writing our own happily ever after.
