Be ok with being alone, you don’t have to be lonely, if we could only be honest about what it is that we are really afraid of then we can tackle it head on. I’ve lived in a world of denial about my fears and those fears basically governed my life and actually brought that which i feared the most to my doorstep.
You see, its one thing to be alone and another thing to be lonely. Being alone simply means that you are confident in who you are and can spend some healthy time with yourself, it means you are not afraid to be alone with your thoughts because they are friendly and secure. It also means that you are a complete entity on your own, like a solid 50%. Contrary to public belief being alone does not make you lonely, the perception of aloneness and seperation from others is what makes one lonely and its totally unhealthy. Left undealt with loneliness can take over and mess with you. It makes you needy, attention seeky, super clingy and is also highly unattractive.
People already have their own baggage and having to deal with being the beginning and end of a lonely person is some emotional heavy lifting, not to mention that they will still feel lonely because they won’t really have addressed the underlying issue. Such people are never satisfied and trust me, you will never make them happy until they choose to be happy from the inside projecting out.
Being single isn’t a defect or some kind of after 30 plague, its an opportunity to grow, apply patience and really be sure about who you are and what you want. I always seem to gravitate to this, but you’d be surprised at the number of unhappily married people who traded their single life for some kids and a husband/wife they cheat on to stay sane. When we look at them we frown and judge but i look back on some of my suckiest relationships and wonder if being married to that person would have really made me happy, i think at some point i was just happy being called a Missus..it didn’t matter what my values are or what i really want as long as i could be called Sharon Somebody-else’s lastname.
When i thank God these days, its because thats one prayer he didn’t answer with the answer i wanted. I would have been miserable and further away from the plan he has for me. I wouldn’t have the courage to write this blog because i’d be busy pouring out His praises to a man, bending over backwards to make sure said man would find no fault with me and maybe love me just a little bit more than i used to love myself.
The thing is you can’t love someone into loving you, you still need to have a meaningful self relationship. Being single has given me time to seek God, yes i admit when i started i just wanted to cash in on that favour Pastors never stop talking about, but then something began to happen as i stayed on this path. I discovered how broken i was and how this brokenness was contributing to my deep misery which i thought a man was the solution to. I used to walk into church with my head down, guilty to death about how unworthy i was to be there. Then i met him face to face at an altar call when he healed my heart. From that day my life has literally never been the same even though i had officially given my life several years before then.
