‘Hezvo Tanya! Nyarara!’ Gogo matwins points a crooked finger at her daughter.
Dylan has stopped dead in his tracks, his reply is surprisingly soft.
‘I expect better from you. You always talk about your passion concerning the empowerment of women but you’re going to let your little insecurities stand in the way of helping a younger woman who really needs you right now? I’m disappointed Tanya. I will call Annie myself.’
Dylan’s eyes are sad as he dials Annie’s number. Tanya knows he is saying she should do better because she has first hand experience of what it is like having grown in a violent household. She feels guilty, ashamed.
Her mother’s lips are turned down at the corners, she too is displeased with the conversation between the 2.
‘Hello Annie, good evening….We are fine thank you. I wonder if you could pay us a visit tomorrow after work?…Great then, we will see you.’
Dylan sits down after he’s done with the call, a movie is now showing on the tv and he concentrates on that. Tanya feels the need to engage him again.
‘What did she say?’
Dylan looks at her, surprised she is talking to him, before answering, ’She will come .’
Gogo matwins speaks ‘ you young people are too sensitive mhani, you see that man at home there? He used to beat me up for breathing! What would he not use? Belts, fists, boots, chair! Ah, but doesn’t it end? Zvakangopera wani?’
There is a minute of silence when neither Tanya or Dylan want to respond. Dylan eventually clears his throat and says,
‘It is not right amai, such an environment is not mentally healthy either. There is always a greater price to pay.’
He looks pointedly at Tanya who sees an opportunity to redeem her self.
‘That was not a life mhama, we lived in fear. I did all that I did because I was trying to escape from my reality! You didn’t even have the mental space or energy to take care of me!’
The older woman’s face crumbles at Tanya’s words, her flabby cheek flesh hangs loosely as she bulges her eyes.
‘Did you not see me, every day, board a bus for Zambia or South Africa just so we could have food! I did not take care of you? Off who’s back did the money for your school fees come from? Who made sure you had clothes while your father was drowning in pint after pint of beer? All those years! My feet and back are useless now and you….you ….yuhwiii zvangu! Taaaaanya! Iwe Taaaaanya!’
Gogo matwins has her arms wrapped around her stomach as she wails. Dylan who usually is amused or annoyed by his mother in law’s theatrics is trying to calm her, he feels the genuine pain in her cries.
Tanya is now kneeling besides her mother , patting and soothing her.
‘I am sorry amai, I shouldn’t have said that.’
This is the first time Tanya has allowed her mother an audience during her dramatic acts, indeed the first time she has apologized for saying anything to her mother. Theirs has been a passionate relationship. In so many ways, Gogo matwins acting out in malice and pettiness to get attention, Tanya adamant not to afford her any.
‘You don’t understand what I went through, you don’t understand!’ Gogo matwins is unconsolable .
‘Now you side with your father on everything. In your eyes he is the sensible one! Hooooo! Hoooo nhai! Since he was born again, has he apologized to me? Huh? Has he forgotten about how he abused me now that he is a man of God? Taaaanya!’
There is nothing to stop the lament.
‘Now he is a saint, I know you think he is better than me. He is silent now, he doesn’t speak. He is done! He is done abusing me and now he doesn’t have anything to say to me! No apology…amai kani! Yuhwiiii!’
‘No amai, I am sorry. That’s enough. We can talk to him but that’s enough. Come , let’s go and sleep. That’s enough.’
Tanya helps her up and leads her to her room where she cries softly for some more minutes before she sleeps.
Tanya does not follow her husband to their bedroom. Instead she goes into the kitchen and makes herself a cup of strong coffee. She inhales the smell deeply and sits with her own thoughts.
She always blamed her parents for how she had rebelled as a young lady. Their toxic relationship had driven her to try and find escape in alcohol, smoking and relationships with older men. She had grown to be a very untrusting and untrustworthy person, almost at the cost of her marriage. Tanya struggled with intimacy especially with her kids, something she had been denied growing up.
She never took time to think about how her mother had carried all the violence in her body and mind, years after it stopped. She always thought her to be unreasonable. Now she sees how selfish that was. Her mother must surely also be suffering from the trauma of having a husband who seemed hell bent on trying to kill her every-time he was drunk, which was every time.
Tanya wonders what’s it felt like to her mother that one day he was a monster then the next a saved and serving elder in the church. No apology, no atonement for his sins.
She hears footsteps before she sees Dylan come into the kitchen and just hug her from behind. She starts crying. He lets her, only saying after she is quiet, ‘You and your parents need therapy.’
The morning and afternoon of the next day drag their feet for both Tanya and Dylan. Tanya who spends most of the day managing the twins and Tadiwa, while sneaking a few minutes of reading in between, thinks about Dylan’s statement over and over. He was right, only how do you speak about therapy to 2 traditional African Christians who believe everything is caused by demons and can be prayed away. There was not even a way to convince them that events that had happened years earlier were still very much a part of their lives. Suggesting therapy was the same as questioning their sanity.
For Dylan, the day could not have gone any slower. He so desperately wants to meet and talk with Annie. He is hopeful she will see reason and save her life, it is surely the sensible thing.
When Kupa comes back from school, she is a bubble of joy. Tanya notices but does not think much of it. They converse while feeding the twins some vegetable purée. Nyasha likes his solid food, recently introduced, while Tino’s every spoon is fought. The babies are already displaying distinct characters, if anything they are opposites of the other.
‘Mhama, can I have some?’
Tadiwa walks in and stands by his mother, looking longingly at the purée.
‘Tadi, this is just mashed butternut, go ask aunty for some.’ The little boy skips away excited.
After Tanya is satisfied that the twins have eaten enough, she takes Tino from Kupakwashe, who’s leaving for her youth meeting. For some reason, Tanya does not want Kupa to go today. She dismisses the feeling as Kupa closes the gate behind her.
