Tanya lies in her bed thinking. She has her eyes closed but she’s not sleeping, evidenced by her furrowed brow. It’s the weekend so she has nowhere to be. She’s been at it for a couple of mornings now; this thinking. She’s worried…worried about what happened to her daughter, the trauma that comes with it. She’s worried that it’s turning into a cycle; the abuse that womenfolk in her family have to deal with. Is it a generational curse now? She and her mother suffered it, now her daughter was almost abused.
Now is definitely the time to visit that therapist that Annie has been to. As far as she can tell, after that first session Annie has made great strides towards healing. She’ll definitely call the doctor and set an appointment for her and her mother. Kupa might have to go too; the question is whether with them or separately.
Dylan doesn’t seem to be having the same adverse reaction to the court case and what happened to Kupa. Initially, he would have wanted to beat the living daylights out of Tapiwa but now he’s just glad that the law served him with just punishment. Tanya wants to tell him how she feels but thinks he might say she’s overreacting. He’s already up and has gone for a run. He says he needs to get rid of the dad belly that’s starting to show.
“ That’s how unbothered he is,” Tanya thinks to herself.
Kupa seems to be doing well but she’s learnt that that doesn’t really mean anything. Her child almost got raped and she didn’t say a word about it. She most certainly will take her for a session. Tanya decides to wake up and ready herself mentally. Today is the day she asks her mother again about therapy, and she’s certainly not taking no for an answer. How she’s going to do it she has no idea.
She enters the kitchen an hour later and finds Tadiwa trying to feed one of the twins his food and failing dismally. There’s the usual chaos of a Saturday morning. Kupa is shouting for Tadiwa to stop. Dylan is grabbing some water and announces that he’s going to take a shower before breakfast. She’s going to have to talk to him about taking Kupa for therapy. Of course she’ll just be informing him.
“Mamuka sei Mama,” Rudo says and all she gets is a nod. Tanya can’t say she’s in a bad mood but she’s clearly not happy. She’s frustrated and feels the need to take matters into her own hands.
Mbuya Kupa walks in just then.
“ Ah wamuka Mai 2..”
“Mamuka sei? Please sit, I need to talk to you..”
“Hezvo, ko ndozvatinoitwa here? Kugarisa munhu mukuru akaita seni pasi? I haven’t eaten yet, can’t it wait?”
It’s like Tanya’s mood is rubbing off in the house. Her mother hasn’t been this condescending in a while. She waits as her mother takes her seat on the kitchen island and begins busying herself with her bowl of porridge. Tanya sighs and fidgets all through the tablespoon of peanut butter and the sugar and the tasting to see if the porridge needs salt.
“Kupa hand me the salt,” Mbuya Kupa seems to be stalling.
“Mhamha please!”
Her mother looks at her like she would an incessantly annoying toddler.
“What is it that’s got you shouting at me this morning? Inini Mai vako?”
Rudo has the sense to take the kids and leave the kitchen. Kupa has already read her mother’s mood and doesn’t want to stick around.
Tanya sighs,“We need to go to that therapist Mhamha. We need to get healing for the pain we can’t get past. We need to talk about all of it.”
Her mother scoffs, “And what good will talking do? About things that have already happened?”
Tanya suddenly bursts into tears. Her mother is visibly shocked and doesn’t know what to make of it. She’s about to brush her daughter’s emotional outburst aside but thinks better of it.
“Mhamha aren’t you tired? Aren’t you tired of carrying all this bitterness, all this pain? I am and I feel like it’s rubbing off on my children. Kupa was almost raped Mhamha, she was in some way abused in a way we can never understand. There’s some sort of pain she carries now. I see her walk like it’s made her stronger, more mature but we know what hurt can do. I don’t know how it’s connected but I feel like it is. All this pain being passed down from one generation to the next. No offense Mhamha but I don’t want Kupa one day wishing I’d done something more than just let the boy go to jail. Carrying a grudge against me like I did with you…Please, come with me…”
Her mother wavers, her bottom lip trembles. She is not like this. Her generation was not taught to talk about pain or even to release it. You had to carry it, let it be your burden for however long till you could live with it. Lately, since Sekuru’s death, it seems the pain has been rising up again like bile in her throat. She reaches out a hand and touches Tanya,briefly.
“I will go with you, just once. And if this doctor of yours proves useful then maybe a second time. I can’t promise anything Tanya. Nothing has ever come out of just talking.”
Tanya sniffles and smiles, genuinely for the first time that week. If she had known tears would do it instead of strong arming her mother she would’ve done it sooner.
Now to convince her husband that Kupa needs the sessions too. What’s the worst that could happen?
