Tanya is confused. Dylan rarely shouts. Her mind begins thinking up all sorts of possibilities to who he might be have been talking to. She’s always been prone to over thinking so it’s pretty easy to jump to conclusions. Her heart heaves at the thought of it being another woman on the other side of the phone. He wouldn’t do that. Despite all their problems, none of them has ever resorted to that. Adultery has never occurred to either of them.

Tanya goes into her bedroom and tries to calm herself down. All sorts of scenarios run through her head. She’s is beginning to panic; she can feel her heart pounding, beating overtime. She struggles to breath and her vision is blurring; all signs of an anxiety attack. She tells herself to stop overreacting and takes in deep, heavy breaths until she feels better.

She decides she’s going to wait for Dylan to tell her whatever he was discussing with whoever it was. She will not ask him and risk looking like a fool. She’s not the greatest at waiting but she will have to. With a heavy sigh she gets into bed and somehow manages to fall sleep.

The next morning she wakes up and finds Dylan already up and about. He’s going about his routine as usual. He’s quieter and his brow is furrowed and though Tanya asks him what’s wrong a couple of times he insists that there is nothing wrong. By the time he leaves for work, Tanya is a little angry with him. Something is definitely going on.

At work Tanya engulfs herself in the project at hand. In her mind she shelves the anger and frustration and questions for when she sees Dylan later. She’s very good at compartmentalizing.

As she’s still working half days, she goes home at lunch, feeds the twins and gets ready for her and Mhamha and Kupa’s therapy session. She’s not sure if she’s in the right headspace for it but an appointment is an appointment. Mhamha takes longer than usual getting ready despite the fact that she knew it was today. She’s deliberately dragging her feet and mumbling to herself.

As they get to the gate she says, “Kupa, run and get my glasses. I forgot them. You know I can’t see a thing without them.”

Kupa gets out of the car and runs back to the house.

Tanya sighs, “Mhamha tanonoka, 10 minutes is not enough to get there on time.”

Mbuya Kupa pretends to rummage through her bag.

“Oh here they are.”

Kupa comes back and she says she hasn’t found them. She rolls her eyes as her mother tells her they were in the bag. It’s a good thing her grandmother is sitting in the front seat and doesn’t see her do so.

Tanya drives at breakneck speed all the way to the doctor’s office. She’s never been one to be late.

“Unoda kutiuraya here nhai Tanya? What is wrong with you?!” her mother yells, shocked by her reckless driving.

“We made it.” Tanya says in relief, ignoring her mother’s  exclamation. “ Let’s go.”

They enter the office and are directed straight to the doctor.

“Mrs Moyo, welcome,” the doctor stretches out her hand.

Tanya greets her warmly but Mbuya Kupa doesn’t shake her hand. The doctor doesn’t seem fazed at all. She’s probably used to patients who have been coerced to come in for counselling.

She introduces herself and opens the floor for any of them to speak.

Tanya clears her throat,

“Well since I’m the one who convinced everyone to come here, I’ll start. Doctor we just seem to always be going through a lot of pain, the women in this family particularly and I just wanted us to get to the bottom of it and work through it. So my mother and daughter are here too,” she gestures at Kupa and her mother. “ I’m tired of always having to be putting out fires or grieving. I don’t know if you can help but we had to try.”

The doctor nods and speaks directly to Mbuya Kupa,

“ Mhamha, I understand that you might not want to be here,” she began, “ We all know that your generation of women were not taught to talk things through. And  although I may not know your story I completely understand if you don’t want to be here. However, having said that, nothing good can come from keeping things inside. I would like you to speak, talk to me, address your daughter and granddaughter on how you’re feeling today.”

Tanya’s mother stares at the doctor indignantly. She remains quiet for a while and it starts getting uncomfortable. Tanya is about to interject when Mama speaks.

“I don’t know where it is that you younger ones found this habit of talking about everything that ails you. I don’t see how it helps. Has it not already happened, that which you want me to talk about?”

“Mhamha.”Tanya chides.

“But I’ll speak because my daughter here has it in her head that it will help. Maybe it will help her…and my granddaughter here but certainly not me. I’m the one who lived it.” She begins her story. “ I was married young, too young to even remember if I wanted to be married. You were just told you would marry nhingi and that was it. I left school, my father had no more money for that. Daughters were a return investment back then. You raised daughters so they could get married and get you cows. Your father Tanya,” she says looking at Tanya, “ was a good young man and came from a respectable family. We tried for years to have a child but none came. You know the story already, of how we tried everything.. traditionalists, mapostori, herbs. Eventually you came and it was a good thing…for a while. Your paternal grandfather hoped for a son from his first born child who would inherit the family business. He didn’t take kindly to a girl. So that meant his brother, your bamkuru, took everything when your grandfather died. And that’s when things really got hard. Your father lost his job and couldn’t secure another one, no matter how much he tried he never stayed long at a job. He began drinking and he began being hateful. It was as if it was my fault that it wasn’t working out. He thought it was definitely your fault that he had no cushion from his father’s inheritance that he could fall on. It was just a spiral, an accumulation of things that he blamed on everyone else…”

Mhamha sighs and runs her forehead. “ I think I’ve said enough.”

“It’s quite alright,” the doctor says, ”We’ll pick it up next time. And next time everyone will get a chance to speak. I want all of us to go back and consciously decide to speak  and to express your feelings  next time and see how that goes.”

She looks to Tanya,” I hope there will be another session?”

Tanya nods, she didn’t think her mother would say anything but here they are. It’ll take a while but the results speak for themselves. Mhamha has never spoken in detail of her life like that. She hopes Kupa can speak freely too when her turn comes. They take their leave and drive home. As they turn into their driveway, Tanya sees Dylan come out of  his car with a woman. A swirl of emotions rise up within Tanya. Right then she decides she will speak what she is feeling! Just as the doctor ordered!