Chapter 5-Trying too hard
It is Tuesday morning; the new maid is helping with the morning rush. Rudo barely speaks, when she does, the words barely leave her lips such that one has to strain their ears to hear her. She is always dressed in skirts that kiss the floor as she moves, a white doek complete the look. Tanya feels good about her, especially because she does not feel she has to constantly watch out for the maid around her husband.
Kupakwashe comes out of her room, after Tanya’s call for the second time .Tanya immediately notices how a few inches are missing from the bottom of the teenager’s skirt. Seated on the kitchen island, Tanya wants to throw her cup at her daughter; the thought of her butchering the expensive fabric is making her blood boil as she watches Kupa move lazily to get her cereal.
‘What happened to your skirt?’ The child must have noticed her mother was not in a mood for dialogue, she simply reaches into her jersey, fumbles around and the skirt’s length is restored. Not another word or action acknowledged her mother who sits motionless, seething.
Dylan is still in the bathroom; the arrangement was that Tanya was to take Kupa to school. She however, instructs Rudo to ask Dylan to drop Kupa off before she drives out alone. She thinks about how the makeup has just gone to waste as she wipes the tears on her face for the umpteenth time. She is angry at herself, for crying, for hating her daughter, even if it was for a few seconds, for not knowing how to speak to Kupa, for being a bad mother. For the rest of the drive, she is praying for one thing, for God not to punish her by allowing Kupakwashe to emulate her Child hood. She does not want her to make the same mistakes she made.
Her phone rings as soon as she sits in her chair, ‘Hi babe’; she knows why he is calling.
‘Hey, you just left…’ he doesn’t close off the statement, intentionally.
‘Sorry babe had to rush in.’
‘Hmm.’
She breathes out, realising she has been holding her breath.
She is just about to excuse herself, thinking he is convinced, then he interrupts,
‘Kupakwashe was crying on the way to school, she said her eyes were just sore but I know she was lying. Did something happen earlier?’
Tanya feels like Dee is accusing her of hurting their daughter, like she is the bad parent and him the pacifier. Her first thought is to lash out , to defend herself, a few seconds of calmness makes her see how this is a bad reaction and she is decides to play dumb.
‘I don’t know Dee; we didn’t talk much in the morning I was in a rush. I will talk to her; its probably just nerves maybe?’ She offers, ‘you know new school and all, don’t worry, I am sure it is nothing.’
‘Okay babes, please talk to her, I am a bit worried.’
‘I will do so, don’t worry okay.’
‘Alright babes, have a good day. I love you.’
She hangs up the phone, thinking of whether to actually talk to Kupa. She wouldn’t know where or how to start.
It’s knock off time and Tanya is dreadful of picking up Kupakwashe. She delays as much as she can until she absolutely has to leave. It is 5.30pm, Kupa has been waiting for 30 minutes. Tanya is almost sure she will be sulking. She doesn’t look forward to the drive back home.
When Tanya gets to the gate, Kupa is one of a group of fresh faced teenagers huddled together and talking over each other. Kupa looks as comfortable around them as one who has known them for years. She gives 2 of the girls quick hugs when she spots her mothers car and runs towards it.
Had she not been quick to come to the car, Tanya had a good mind to go in and see Kupa’s teacher, just to ask how she has been, her first day at a new school. Not caring that she might be embarrassing her daughter, she decides to call once she gets home. This habit, which in all aspects became a ritual of Tanya calling Kupa’s teacher every other day, would with time cause of lot of trouble for the two.
‘Maswera sei mhama!’ Kupa shouts before she even opens the door.
‘Hey Kupa, how was it?’, Tanya wishes she had the boldness, and the easiness, to hug or kiss her daughter.
She knew that would be awkward, having never had a relationship with her parents that made room for physical affection, she wasn’t sure how to offer the same. There had been days the intensity of her need to touch, just touch, her own daughter had threatened to make her embarrass the both of them. She watched with white envy how Dee didn’t think twice about smothering the kids with a touch there, a kiss here and a hug every single day.
Kupa seems to be in a good mood, she animatedly recounts the events of the day.
‘Mrs Lonecroft is very nice! She asked me where I wanted to sit, this girl offered to sit with me and she was sweet. I had lunch with her and her other friends. I think I’m going to like it here. Do you know there’s a huge art gallery where they allow you to do whatever you want with the paints? I also need to choose a club and sport discipline to join, ma’am says by end of next week I should have decided. Maybe tennis and public speaking, what do you think?’
Tanya couldn’t help smiling, maybe they would be fine, her and Kupa. They talked all the way home, Kupa of course owned the conversation, barely breathing between words. Although Kupa and Tadi had been in a well managed middle class orphanage home, Tanya was happy she could still offer them some privileges and luxuries they might never had had the chance to get as kids abandoned by their biological parents.
