Do you ever feel like you are so ready for a next level relationship, but just can’t catch a break? Like there’s a blinking “OUT OF ORDER” sign on your forehead and the next logical excuse is that it’s not God’s time yet? Today let’s talk about why your extended single life may not be about God’s timing.
If, like me, you are looking to settle down, reflecting on your state of single is a great place to start. It solves the happiness problem and puts relationships in the right perspective. ‘The happiness problem’: is the number 1 reason why marriages are ending in divorce. People are misguidedly seeking the side effect of loving God (Loving God=Completion=Happiness) in union with one another.
We’ll talk more about it next week…
Your relationship with God is the real foundation for ALL others
In recent conversations about relationships two of the most honest men of God I know, both pointed out how it wasn’t just a relationship problem. In their own way each said it was a relationship-with- God problem and suddenly I realized why 99% of my relationships have ended in disappointment.
One thing I never weighed in full was that not involving God was a choice, my choice and it had consequences. They didn’t show up right away, but the cost of our actions demands to be paid even though we have the privilege of grace. My consequence now is time, to recover from all the fragmentation my many entanglements caused. I do know however that God is working even this out for my good.
How I got it wrong
I started my Christian walk hanging out on the fence, trying to be good, behaving when it was convenient and compromising when the ‘force’ to misbehave was strong. I never really involved God in my single life, we’d talk but mostly when it was too late at which point, I’d be crying out for His help.
When I recently rededicated my ‘single’ life to God (pun intended) I felt it was worth investigating the ‘me’ factor about my situation. I’ll also hasten to add that no one wakes up with an appetite for disaster but rest assured disaster’s coming over for dinner if you don’t check your guest list. Luke phrases it this way:
“[28] If one of you is planning to build a tower, you sit down first and figure out what it will cost, to see if you have enough money to finish the job. [29] If you don’t, you will not be able to finish the tower after laying the foundation; and all who see what happened will make fun of you. [30] “You began to build but can’t finish the job!’ they will say.”
[Luke 14:28 GNT]
It’s not you, it’s me
Remember that classic movie statement when a guy is breaking up with a girl and he thinks she will take it better if he puts the blame on himself? The reverse of that statement came to mind when I thought about how we sometimes treat God. We don’t phrase it so bluntly, but I swear at least once in our lives we’ve blamed it on God so we could take it better. The truth is it’s not always Him, sometimes it’s us and we just have to be honest with ourselves.
How to get it right
It’s only natural to desire companionship, we are those kinds of beings. Don’t pretend you’re OK when you’re not. I always say talk to God about it because I don’t want you to learn the hard way like I have. God wants to hear from you more than you want to hear from Him. I haven’t gotten it all the way right but it’s changing my life tremendously. I only wish I had believed His promises sooner.
