Back in March I ran a Twitter poll asking “Would you date or marry a person with a disability?” My curiosity was sparked after watching a documentary about devotees. (Devotism/attraction to disability is a sexualised interest in the appearance, sensation and experience of disability).
Some responses from Twitter:
- “If you’re in love why not?”
- “I see no problem with it when two people are in agreement and in love.”
- “Depends on what the disability is but yes.”
- “Thought provoking.”
- “It depends with the kind of disability.”
- “Disability does not mean inability so there is nothing wrong.”
- “I have dated someone with a disability.”
- “Yes. And if someone I love ends up disabled, I’d like to think I’ll still ride with them.”
- “I would say yes because love is love. Love has no boundaries of conditions but it’s sad for me to say it depends on what disability it is. For someone who has MS for example or Parkinson’s it’s going to be hard and that will have a toll on the relationship. But if you’re that person who really can look after them and I’m talking look after them without complaining then God bless you.”
Some Responses From People With Disabilities:
- “If it was God’s will then yes, if not because I know how hard it is to have a disability and have people discriminate against you. Who would protect in such cases when we both need help?”
- “I have to be realistic with myself. There are so many things that I cannot do on my own because of my disability. Now if I marry someone with a disability who would help who? I can’t drive, I don’t know if I will ever be able to, how would we do simple things like grocery shopping? It would be great because you’re with someone who understands your struggles but it is not practical for me.”
- “I wouldn’t date a lady with a disability because I also need assistance so that would make our relationship tricky, expensive and less private if we get a helper. I have dated women with all kinds of disabilities and it’s a beautiful thing but it also gets overwhelming when you both can’t do certain things for yourselves and have to constantly ask for help.”
The Results.
https://twitter.com/colleenchifamba/status/712538553247469568
I’ll be honest I was a bit surprised by the results. Whilst I wasn’t expecting an overwhelming yes, I was however expecting a higher percentage than 18% to say no. Reason I say this is because there is a general ignorance towards disability issues whether it is deliberate or not, the ignorance certainly exists. Very few people are educated on disability issues. In many cases it is because people are just not exposed to disability so they probably think there is no need to be aware of these issues.
Anyway back to the results. I was going to offer my interpretation then thought that would be very unfair to judge people’s responses as I do not know the reasons behind people’s votes so I won’t. I will however share a DM I received. The person who wished to remain anonymous said “People will say yes because they don’t want to seem rude. I’d say this. Dating someone/marrying someone disabled isn’t you doing something for humanity. It’s not as if you’re saving a disabled person from dying alone. If you think that, then God help you.”
What an interesting perspective that gets you thinking…So did people answer yes or maybe because answering no was too confronting? Was it rude to say no? Was it discriminating to say no? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Whether people thought about their responses or not, every answer yes, no or maybe was a valid choice.
Like with most things in life dating or marrying a person with a disability is a CHOICE.
“When you date or marry a person with a disability, you are not doing them a favour, you are choosing to love that person so love them wholeheartedly regardless of what anyone thinks of your relationship.”-Colleen Chifamba
What do you think of the results? Did any of the responses surprise you?
