Symptoms of acute left-behindness

Remember those scenes in the movies when there would be in-love couples everywhere just because someone was lonely? You know this isn’t the full story but somehow when it comes to life we think differently. Feeling left behind is exactly that, a feeling, it doesn’t actually mean you are. Here are some more symptoms:

• When other people’s good news causes a sting in your heart. This is not because you’re not happy for them but are envious from your lack of similar news to report.
• When your self-talk involves lengthy beat ups about how you’ve been ‘wasting’ your life unlike so and so.
• When you are so discouraged that you start to believe maybe happiness or whatever thing you desire wasn’t made for you.

Trying to tackle adulthood from the point of view that you’re left behind makes it hard to appreciate being alive. It also keeps you stranded in unproductivity making the feeling worse. There was a time I cringed at the thought of getting older even though I was excited about my birthday. On one hand I was grateful to have made this far and on the other I was filled with regret for not being further.

I was double minded and this sank me deeper into the quicksand of indecision. I found that I couldn’t plan anything because I couldn’t decide what I wanted. I felt I was already left behind and therefore stuck because that has been the dominant narrative from my parents. What changed my mind is this need in me to become something even if it’s the last thing I do. I hope what I have to say will change your mind too.

Figure out what makes you feel left behind and determine its legitimacy

The key thing to do when solving a problem is identifying the root and whether its legit. Some of us are dealing with issues like self-doubt which are not even ours. Sometimes things happen in our formative years that we carry into adulthood. This is why I’m always on about investigating yourself and understanding why you do the things you do. Its in the examination that we can gain a fighting chance against our greatest setbacks.

To figure out what makes you feel left behind is to go deep and ask some uncomfortable questions. Is it social media full to the brim with other people’s movement forward? Is it other people making nasty remarks about how at your age you really should be further on? Is it an elaborate childhood dream that was dashed by the daunting task of adulting? Is it an unhealthy comparison of yourself at your worst with others at their best?

In my own walk I’ve found that comparison to peers and family opinions have been my major kryptonite.  For a long time, I tried to shelve who I truly was so I could fit into what I thought was expected of me. A frustrating lesson I learnt along the way is that the people you are trying to impress never are. This seemingly noble sacrifice only tears your soul apart without actually serving anyone. It also makes for serious tension when you finally stop pretending.

Don’t look at it as being left behind, think of it as being on your own path

What if this was a unique opportunity for you to live YOUR best life? Not the life other people think someone like you should live. Not the life you think other people think a person like you should live but a life that is specially yours. When you take responsibility for your life and it becomes owned by you suddenly the chance appears to make something of it. Like Bishop T.D. Jakes says, “God makes trees”, what we make with them eg. Furniture, is left to our design. That is the purpose of our individual purpose and matching talents.