on my really low days I don’t try to resist the feelings of fear and distress anymore because I’ve found that they become a point of guilt for me later on when my faith is reactivated and add to the things I then need to deal with in that moment. Instead I’m honest with myself about them and we talk it out with my confidants.

By the time I’m discussing it with God in prayer He begins to deal with my heart and fertilise the soil for His word to take root then my actions fall in line. Remember the parable about the sower and the seed [Matthew 13:1-29]? Well if God is able to give seed to the sower and bread to the eater then how much more is He able to till the land in our hearts preparing it for our salvation?

Things are real out there and it would be a lie to put on a big smile like everything is fine and dandy because it’s not. I think sometimes as enthusiasts for Christ we skip over the grey areas to the promises of better days and we imply it’s as easy as zippit, same sequence for everyone and you’ll get a real time sms confirmation that it’s done. I’ve seen it a lot that we almost completely skip past the tension that often follows our prayers, the testing of our faith and endurance before our desires are granted.

Every person reading this message today has one issue or another and is in some form of discontent about it.  We may all be moving but we are certainly not where we would want to be. I think of my age mates and a good portion of us are still living at home with our parents unable to move out just yet. Some of us have kids whose future we fuss about day and night, some of us are unmarried and still in awe of the “M” word and some of us have fallen into the abyss of substance abuse. Its doom and gloom.com and honestly I don’t really think we can be blamed for the negative emotions floating around in this environment after all it’s only a human response to fret.

Jesus asleep while the world storms

Luke 8:22-25 NIV “One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” he got up and rebuked the wind and raging waters; the storm subsided, all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands the winds and the water, and they obey him.”

My mainini (aunt) came by yesterday and she was so enthused by the day’s sermon from church. The pastor had quoted this scripture to make the point that we often carry Jesus with us on our journey but when storms appear we go into a bucket system trying to manually empty out the water threatening to sink our boats.

He said that Jesus gets to sleep right through the storm for lack of one to wake him (this is not to say that Jesus is in the habit of taking a snooze in times of trouble, but to say that we often have solutions before we take it to him and often seek his endorsement rather than his help). I didn’t get to hear the full sermon but it made me wonder about all the times when I convince myself that I’ve handed it over to Jesus but here I am still calculating and formulating risk aversion tactics, stressing when it looks like things won’t come together according to my plan.

I don’t know if it’s some kind of dzvene (righteousness) complex that makes us want to show God the finished product with as little help as possible from Him or an inferiority complex of first weighing whether we deserve to be helped. I say this because in Zim we have a unique problem of placing people and their ideals on pedestals that are above the simple act of crying directly to God.

Side note: when you try your best but you don’t succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when feel so tired, but you can’t sleep, stuck in reverse and the tears come streaming down your face when you lose something that you can’t replace…” [“Fix you” – Coldplay] what if God wants to fix you but He never gets the chance because you insist nothing is missing and nothing is broken. I wish we would learn that our strength is not our own, it is in our uttermost weakness that God is able to strengthen us otherwise why do we need him when have it under control.

I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say that I don’t have it all together , this effort you see me make is my small portion in the grand scheme of things. God has done great things in my life when I least expected and through tears that I thought would snuff out my smile forever. Though He slays me I’m still here stronger than I was at first.