If we’re headed for doom then what have we got to lose?
Its old news that we are headed for the end it’s probably the oldest news on the planet too but it’s still the only news that sends millions to an early grave from carrying its weight. The irony is that despite decades’ worth of pessimistic views on life we’re still here and loving it. Make no mistake the world really is coming to an end but I don’t think that revelation should be met with as much panic and disarray as it has.
If you really think about it the moment you take your last breath is the moment the world ends for you anyway so a lot of us are not actually going to be alive to experience the final Armageddon. My thing these days is if we are so close to the edge then why not leap off the ledge and see if we can’t pick up a new flight skill on the way down. It’s a scary thought and probably one that is highly undesirable when we’ve all become so adept at guarding our ground.
I’m quite an enthusiast of sorts but I think you’ve picked that up by now. Maybe all the years of working to become the nothing and nobody that I had always been made to believe I would become has finally given me the courage to accept an interesting truth that “I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul” [“Invictus” – William Ernest Henley].
Let me put that in clear context here. My misery and depression came from the hopeless feeling of odds stacked against me simply because it was me. It felt like there was a huge target on my back labelled RUBBISH DUMP and so that is what I assumed my life was. I struggled to believe in a future for myself even though deep down in my heart I hoped for one. My behaviour often gravitated toward self destruct rather than the constructive habits I’ve now finally picked up thanks to a better understanding of what it is to be loved by God.
I was one of those students who never really applied themselves even though I am very intelligent and capable (I only picked this up at Uni when other students would come to me for help with assignments which was funny to me because I didn’t do fantastically well for both “O” and “A” Level and apparently that’s the bench mark LOL. Just try getting a decent job without “O” Level maths in Zim panenge pakaipa).
I was one of those really girly girls on the inside but played it tough on the outside there was a wall as great as that of China separating everyone who could possibly try to get close. I’m not completely over that one yet because I’m still trying to figure out exactly what my Mohawk means LOL. I’ve been cutting and modifying a Mohawk for years but now I’ve gone natural and wonder if I should grow my natural hair or make that the new remix to my Mohawk. I wonder if there are brownie points in heaven for politically correct hairstyles? Yes I said it hahahahahahaha!!
Sometimes it takes falling to the ground to appreciate there is a sky
If I told you the number of embarrassing mistakes I’ve made you might think I was just a good story teller. Those of you who know me personally may remember how much trouble being the wrong kind of bold has gotten me into but I thank God who brings order and correct perception of these things. I think in a lot of ways my breaking point is what led me to finally turn my life around.
It wasn’t about how many good deeds I performed but it was about acknowledging my creator and learning how to submit to His will. The lower I got to the ground the more I realised the power in my weakness. So now I open my first Store in this failing economy but I refuse to be a failure because that is in my control. The walls may cave in but they don’t have to snuff out my light ipapo ndajamuka!
When I think back on every tear I’ve ever shed I don’t think any of them ever went unnoticed because now there is a sea of happiness in my soul that all but leaps out to every person I come across even those who have hurt me. It’s like a childlikeness that has been restored to me where I find extreme excitement on my birthday and feel the need to tell every person I come across.
My heart could be running on fumes but I still have the capacity to Dazzle you with my smile. If you ever ask me for help that I can give I’m happy to do so and hope for your success too. I wear this huge heart on my sleeve but I don’t worry too much about being a rough rider to protect it anymore. I think the truth is my heart finally belongs to the one who would never break it and He will lead me to the man who can care of it as best as humanly possible.